Simon Says

When you are out of work, feeling like a loser—after applying at jobs because your current job only gives you three hours a week, if you are lucky—due to the “economy,” you try to be confident.

What is ridiculous is when the man you are divorcing tells you to listen to what he says, do what he says, even wear what he says, and demands what he states. It is like playing, “Simon Says.”

Playing this game with your soon to be ex-husband is stupid. His orders of , “Simon Says,” is only a manipulation. Especially when he brought me into my room, of my house, and picked out the clothes for me to wear and my shoes; I am clueless. He did not even tell me what was going on, or what the plan was.

My orders demanded, “Just do what I say.”

When I was a child, yes, I played this game. Today, I continue to play this game with my kids, but why continue playing it with my ex-husband, who’s only intentions were to get his way? He controls where I apply because the places I have tried are hiring, just not hiring me. He controls the money still because I have not taking him off the accounts. He does not even pay child support. He controls everything.

My 13-year-old even made the comment, “Mom, I hate this. We might as well move back in with him. You’re doing what he wants.”

The look on my son’s face said it all. His words were sarcastic.

Yes. My son was right. That is my down fall. I guess this does make me a looser. I cannot say, “No,” to my ex-husband. I cannot tell him to leave my house when he comes over and stays until he is ready to go home.

What is it with women like me? Why can we not simply say, “NO!”

How hard is it?

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Reality Check

Have you ever felt betrayed or belittled by anyone? Today, I discovered this. Stepping back into the world of independence, it hit me. However, it was not just by anyone. The one who caused this was me!

Stopping at Kmart, to apply for a job, my past haunted me, smacking me directly in the face. I remember when I was 19 I was told, “What you do now will affect your future,” and it did.

The words read, “Sorry, but according to our records, you have applied here. For reasons of no potential hire, please call…” and the number was given.

I went and drowned my reality check in a 20 ounce cup of Toucan Delight; oranges, strawberries and banana sweetened with a hint of Splenda and non-fat yogurt.

Is this a hint I should give up on hope? Or, is this a reality check reflecting my recent move back to Nixa from Cuba?

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Eighteen Again

It felt as if I was 18 again. Freshly out of high school, and my only goal—since I did not go to college—was to find that perfect job. The job I wanted to be at for the rest of my life. However, in reality, I am not fresh young blood anymore. It is the years of being 30 something.

While on the verge of a nervous wreck from this interview, I had two weeks ago with a law office, I only hoped this company would have told me either one of two choices.

“Yes, you got the job.” Or, “No, go apply at a fast food joint.”

Whichever way, the only good I got out of it was the attorney showing his interest in reading my published work from 2003 and 2005.

It just happened to make me wonder…is there hope for a female in her 30s to find an actual career? Or, is she just finding another dead end in life?

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As a mother, a divorce wife, and writer Chelle feels by blogging entries to this site–of different topics–she can share thoughts, feelings, inspirations, expreiences, and opinions with readers who are interested in empathizing with her entries.

Readers are welcomed to comment, or ask questions, as often as he or she would like and as often as he or she likes.

All entries are based solely on her personnel experiences with emphasis expressing her POV.

Protecting those in her life, she has changed the names of the actual people with fictitious names.

Chelle hopes her readers will enjoy her entries.

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